oh hey i'm back.... again.

So, Rachel was going through and reading her journal from the beginning of the year today, and it made me want to go back and look at my blog from first semester. It seems like forever and a half ago to be honest. A lot has changed, but a lot is still the same. I never finished my thankfulness list (but what I had was still a good number of them... of course the list could probably go on forever)... and 4 months later, we've had Christmas, my birthday, valentine's day, and several weekends spent at home.

I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss high school Maggie. Yesterday, Alex and I were having a heart to heart and I was talking about how I don't think I've really ended up being the person I wanted to be and how there were parts of me that wanted to go back to how high school Maggie was. She said "I'm afraid for you to do that. What if I don't like high school Maggie? I became friends with college Maggie!" This made me really think... how different from high school Maggie is college Maggie? I mean, granted, in high school, I swore I'd make it to 21 before I had any alcohol... clearly that hasn't happened. I let Ben push me farther than I wanted to go, I've been swept away in peer pressure to do things I never wanted to do, but most importantly, I flushed my faith life down the toilet. Completely and utterly abandoned it. Sure, I went to mass, but that was about as far as it went. I went home for TEC 120 and that was definitely a good decision. It reminded me of what high school Maggie was all about. I need to live my life in the way that I've always planned. Glorifying God most importantly. And of course there's always the pressure to find a boyfriend... I swear I hear Alex or Rachel say "that guy would be perfect for you!" at least once a day about someone different. But to be honest, I'm trying not to dwell on it too much. I need to work on me and my relationship with God first. To attract the kind of man that I want, I need to become the kind of woman he would want. And I'm not there yet... which is fine. I have time to keep working on it. I had the kind of guy I wanted and there were parts of me that weren't ready to have that yet, so I need to get myself to a place that I can just leave it all to God. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. Of course, parts of me are still the same. I just need to get my faith back in check and not be such a poser going along with the crowd. I was created with a unique and individual identity and I haven't been living up to that, at all. I need to accept who I am and what I'm comfortable with, and not let anyone else's thoughts on it get in the way.

In other news, anatomy is the worst thing ever, my other classes are jokes and exciting stuff keeps on happening! I'm trying to find a summer job now but hopefully I'll be a counselor for State Farm Day Camp or something.. I don't really wanna work retail or food services if I don't have to. I'm gonna try and blog more often again... it definitely is a good way to keep track of what I've been up to.

have i ever mentioned how much i love these freaks? honestly, they're my rock and i don't know who i'd be without them <3

rachel, shayna, katie (alex's sister) and me in chicago over christmas break :)

some of my lovely tec girls. i miss them so much.

MARI!

soooooo thankful for jennnna przybylski. 

oh hey, i moved into rachel and nicoles room... 'temporarily' but probably for a while. its working out well! at least for me... i'm not sure how they feel about it.. but it was their idea!

haaaa. nicole took this on my phone but said she'd kill me if i put it on the internet. she'll never know.

me and my ladies at mardi gras <3

thankful. (part one)

Everyone has been doing tweets and Facebook statuses (stati?) and blog posts everyday during November for what they are thankful for. I'm far too lazy to do it everyday, so here is my big, giant list. I know this isn't even close to everything but it gets the general gist!

1. My mama - My mom is the best mom a girl could ever ask for. She is my best friend and I can tell her literally anything and know she won't judge me (well, she might judge me, but she won't be mad at me for it). Even though she and I don't always get along and she sometimes annoys the poop out of me, I love her so much and I'm so thankful for her.

2. My daddy - I'm such a daddy's girl it's ridiculous. He's the bomb diggity and even though he's more strict than my mom, he's a big softy and will do anything for me. It's because of him that I am the woman I am today.

3. My big, crazy family - There's a million and ten of us on the Schopp side but my aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids are amazing. We all aren't incredibly close but whenever we're together, it's like we all click. Even though the cousins range in age from 44 years to 3 months old, we all have each others backs. I'm especially thankful for Emily, my cousin who's only 5 months younger than me. We don't hang out much, but we have so much in common and understand each other and what the other one is going through.

4. My high school friend group - God blessed me with an AMAZING group of friends in high school. Each and every one of them hold a special place in my heart and I will be there for them forever. We've all had our fair share of drama and fights, but coming back from college and seeing everyone again has been like we were never apart to begin with.

5. My SLU friends - Somehow, I was put in the right place at SLU. I ended up living between the three best friends a girl could ask for, and 2/3 doors down from another 2 amazing girls. And because of these five ladies, I've also met the best 2 guy friends in the world. All of them are so caring and put others needs before their own, more so than anyone I've ever met. If I ever need anything, I know that one, if not all of them, will jump at the opportunity to help me, which is so amazing in this crazy college life.

6. Jenna and Alyssa - These girls were seriously angels sent to get me through a hard time. Even though befriending them put all of us in a tricky situation, I'm so glad it happened. They are so amazing and reassured me that everything would be alright when I thought the world was ending (don't hate me for being overdramatic). I don't know why they put up with my whining and complaining, but I'm sure glad they did.

7. My ex boyfriends - Because of these two, I am a better, stronger woman of God and I have begun to believe in my own decisions. I have become more independent and confident because of these stupid idiots. Not bitter at all, I promise ;)

8. My house - I think I take for granted the nice house I have. It is a beautiful home and I am so blessed to live in such a nice place while there are people with no home to live in.

9. Food - I love to eat. And therefore I love food. 'Nuff said.

10. My iPhone - I love that stupid piece of technology and would be perpetually helpless and bored without it.

11. My laptop - Ditto to the above statement.

12. SLU - I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am that I ended up at SLU. It is everything I ever wanted in a college and I am so beyond happy there.

13. My fireplace - Having a fireplace is just really really nice.

14. Shopping - I love shopping, what can I say.

15. The ability to dance - Dance is the perfect outlet for all of my emotions and I never realized how much I loved it until I didn't have the chance to do it anymore. It's the thing I miss the most in college. It's so hard to express myself and de-stress without it. I miss those damn tan leather tap shoes!

16. Central Catholic - Even though I hated it at the time and complained a lot, that place gave me such a great knowledge of my faith. Without Central, I really doubt I would have the relationship with God that I do, and I definitely wouldn't be able to defend my beliefs the way I am able to now.

17. Mrs. Myers - This woman is my biggest role model. The first time I babysat her kids, I walked around her house (in the least creepy way possible) and it was filled with quotes and pictures about keeping faith first and raising a family to be the best followers of Christ possible. She lives her life in a way I can only dream to as an excellent model to her students, children and everyone around her. I wish I could thank her for how much she changed my life. She pushed me to step outside my comfort zone and believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. She will forever hold the spot in my heart as my favorite teacher of all time.

18. Dominique - Although she can be annoying as hell, I am thankful for her as my roommate. I've heard horror stories and it could be so much worse. She and I can usually coexist really well and she vacuumed the whole room and emptied the trash cans before we left for break, so I can't really complain too much.

well, that happened.

So... this has been a crazy eventful weekend. Friday was the first men's basketball game so we all went to the game (which we won of course!) and then headed back to Gries to get ready for a party at the Coronado. It was a stoplight party so all of us (except Christy) put on our green and the pre gaming began. Alex took her first shot ever, and everyone else did a few, or 13 in James' case... except me cause I'm a chicken. So then we got to the party, which was lame as helllll. Everyone was just kind of standing around. My exact thought process was "I'm gonna have to get drunk to even have a decent time at this party..." so when Conor said "Maggie, hold my drink" I didn't exactly hesitate to try it. And it tasted like ass. My face immediately felt like it was on fire and so I kept drinking. When he got back, he took it back and was like "where'd my drink go?" Oops. So then I had to buy my own. It cost me $5 for a fucking cup that I knew I wouldn't be able to drink more than half of. But I did it anyway. And I kept drinking the jungle juice that tasted like cough syrup and it was nasty. Apparently I kept saying "this tastes so baaaaaaad," "why doesn't Ben like me? I just want him to like me again," "can I flip them off please??" and "don't let me call my ex boyfriend." Awkward life. But I know I was only saying the stuff about Ben because Christine told him to make out with Kate so he spent the whole night all over her. Which pissed me off at both of them. The whole time I was angry and wanted to leave so Alex just kept telling me to keep drinking and it would get better. And then he was talking to Alex and was like "I want Maggie and I to be friends again, I feel bad that it didn't work out." And then proceeded to say a million more drunk things. Lord only knows. So yeah. Then we left the party and a bunch of people went to Marg but Mari and I went back to Gries. I guess I tried to cartwheel across a major street too... which is real awkward. But by the time we got back to the dorm, I was totally fine. Christy, Alex, Ben and James got back not too much later and Christy was hurling her guts out. Which meant Alex and I got stuck holding her hair back while James and Ben sat there and giggled like little girls. Eventually we went to sleep at like 3 and had to be back up by 7:40 to do some more service for APO. After that, Alex, Rachel, Brad and I ran "the amazing race" all across SLU, which was so intense and I'm so sore from it today. We got 38th place out of 57, so it wasn't too shabby considering we had no idea what to expect. Then Rachel and I went to see the Rockettes last night, which was awesome and made me wanna dance, but I'm way too sore to even lift my legs. Today, I studied and went to the library (a first for me!) and almost killed my roommate and drove to Ted Drewes with the girls! Then tonight at 11:11, we're having a party in Alex and Christy's room (they live in 1111) since its 11/11! Weeeee!

Pray for me, my bio test tomorrow is gonna rape me in the asshole....

voting.

I just voted for the first time! Although Missouri is labeled as a republican state and therefore, my vote did not matter as much as it would have in a place like Ohio, it's awesome to know that my opinion mattered, even if only a little bit. Me and my friends are planning on staying up until we know who the president is. All of us are republican and definitely pro-Romney so there won't be any tension as long as Conor isn't here. We're just excited to be able to be a part of something! If you haven't yet and are reading this, GO VOTE!

nothing new.

Life keeps on going. Thanksgiving break is in two weeks and I'm so excited to go home! I love everyone here but it's always good to get a break from all of them. Especially asshole exboyfriend who is sitting about three feet away from me and smells so good. It's ridiculous that I'm even thinking about it. What am I? Pathetic, that's what. Not too much new has been happening around her. Drunk people, drunk people and more drunk people. Yay. Kill me now. People are fucking dumb. I don't even have anything worthwhile to say in this post. That's pretty much it. Here's some pictures. I hardcore rearranged my room too. Life's good.

meet rapunzel. my bestest slu friends made her for me for my birthday. she has 7 hearts in her, one for me, nicole, molly, mari, alex, rachel and this little girl named bella who really wanted to put a heart in it too. it was precious. and i love these girls too much. 

yayyy new room arrangement! finally room for a futon!

alex's foot is bigger than my face. also, this is what happens, along with alex making up songs and us trying to learn how to wop/cat daddy, when its late and alex and i have cheese sticks on a sunday night.

justin mothereffing bieber.

Things are seriously rocking on. Like, was it really only Wednesday I got dumped? It seems like forever. Ben and I were a fucking baaaaad idea.... never doing that again. Plus, we're all 97% sure he likes boys...which would be a problem considering I'm not a boy. So anyway, I've been just kind of ignoring/avoiding him because I don't want to deal with it and he's annoying as fuck. Crazy how quickly things can change. Anyway, I'm happier and less stressed now. Me, Alex, Brad and Conor worked at a halloween party for disadvantaged children on Friday afternoon so Brad and I spent some quality time together as we chaperoned a little girl around. It was kind of awk but he's funny so it's whatever. I tried to ask him about the Kate drama but he basically pleaded the 5th. Which was annoying. But we got to dress up and wear our loofah costumes while the boys wore their soap boxes that we put so much time into making. Then, that night, Meghan was here and we got all dressed up in costume and tried to catch a bus to a party at a club but after not fitting into the first two shuttles, we decided we didn't want to wait in the freezing cold for another 20 minutes to squeeze into the next bus. So we came back and Meghan and I made our tshirts for the Justin Bieber concert and watched some Say Yes to The Dress. Saturday was Make a Difference Day at SLU so we woke up at 7 and spent the next 7 hours doing intense yard work in an old cemetery. By the time we got back, Meghan and I had some serious Justin Bieber preparation to do. Once we got to the concert, we had to wait in line for an hour and a half to get in, then wait in another ridiculous line to buy merchandise. But it was totally worth it for my amazing new J Biebs shirt! Then Cody Simpson was the opening act (he's fucking attractive and talented!), followed by Carly Rae Jepsen. She definitely wasn't anything too special but she did sing Call Me Maybe! Then there was Justin. I can't even explain how amazing it was. I know you're probably a hater, but it was seriously the best thing I've ever experienced. Like, words cannot express. But then Sunday came and I actually had to do homework... which sucked ass. And then yesterday, I did some more homework and chilled out. And now, I'm doing homework. Gotta love college life... But last night, on campus a student was robbed at gunpoint. Which makes me feel reallllly safe and shit. And there's a ton of drama at SLU because the college of arts and sciences voted 30-2 against our schools president in a vote of no confidence. So that's kind of alarming. Like, really alarming. But now I'm off to finish my paper... only two more paragraphs, I can do this! Oh and last Thursday I saw Les Mis at the Fox, it was amazing!!

this is a picture of approximately 80% of my best friends in the entire world. 

Justin Bieber, fuck yeah.

seriously, greatest costumes ever. alex is a genius for coming up with it

dat ass.

he's fucking beautiful.

but seriously?

I'm honestly just posting this because I don't have anything better to do. I don't have any imminent homework and all my friends are working on theirs so I'm just sitting in my room... cause Ben is in Christy and Alex's room and I just don't want to deal with that shit right now. I can feel this one headed straight down the drain. Which might be fine. I just got froyo with Alex, Lynn and Conor so that was good.

UPDATE: Well, in the middle of writing this blog post, Ben walks in and gives me some bullshit "I'm done with the drama, you're stressing me out and it's bad for my health" and that I didn't care enough about his health issues. So clearly, in the back of my mind, the only thing I can hear is Adam's voice saying "you are too selfish for me"... and then all I can think is "You are not worth anything. No one will ever be able to love you because your anxiety disorder ruins everything." It's literally what is standing between me and actually being confident and happy. I'm so sick of constantly worrying about everything all the time. Oh, and he actually had the audacity to say "phones work both ways you know" to my face. Like, hello, you're the one who needed to learn that lesson... not me. I texted you plenty thank you. And now I'm 97% sure that Christine is gonna go around spreading shit about me to him because she has a tendency to be a two-faced bitch and she was always a little jealous of me and Ben. So apparently he and I are "taking a break" until he gets his health figured out. Which is whatever because I won't be here waiting for him. I deserve better. I deserve a true man of God and I refuse to settle for less. This was a nice, although late, rebound from Adam and I know what I actually want now. I don't even fucking know what happened between us but I'm alright with it being over. I just feel like I am literally worthless now. And that's what kills me. Plus there's gonna be a shit ton of drama on the floor now and I don't want that. I just want this to all be over and move on. Now I'm off to ask Justin Bieber to my APO formal. It never hurts to ask, right? Haha, you think I'm joking right now, but I'm totally not. At all.