every day i'm strugglin.

This weekend was really kind of sucky. It definitely have it's share of redeeming qualities, but it was overall a real downer. I had a minor panic attack on Sunday.. only not to be a full blown panic attack because of my new found coping mechanism... scratching. Yeah... didn't even notice I was doing it until my finger was bleeding all over the place. Anxiety disorders are super fun. But, I'm learning to deal and it's so much better than it was last winter.. holy poop, looking back on that, it was a baaadd time. Mix that on Sunday with some other stuff and I was not in a good mood come Monday.

Today was much better... I felt like I could actually deal with life. I went to my old elementary school with my band teacher and a junior who plays trumpet to teach the 5th grade bandies how to play french horn. They kind of suck. A lot. We tried to all play the same note and ended up playing a random assortment of pitches. They happened to make a really good harmonizing chord... but that's not the point. None of them knew how to hold their horns or even empty spit (it's a fact of the instrument... gross, but necessary) and one poor girl had all her spit come out her bell onto her skirt. She almost threw up and it was nasty. I had boring classes and almost fell asleep in most of them.. which is always super enjoyable.

I think imma go bake something now.

ehh.. a picture of my face. cause blogs are boring without pictures but i don't have any pictures... so i use my webcam.

sidewalk chalk.

This has been a goooood week. I don't exactly remember the last time I blogged... but it's whatever. Yesterday was especially wonderful. But, let's backtrack. On Monday we went dress shopping and all 3 of us found dresses! I absolutely LOVE my dress and the shoes I got to go with it. It's totally different from anything I've ever worn before, so I'm excited. Ohhh, and I finally got asked to homecoming too :) I mean, I knew I was going to have a date (I have a boyfriend after all...) but I was waiting for the official ask... ya know? It was soooo cute... he chalked my driveway with a bunch of inside jokes and such and then he was waiting for me down the road. I loved it :D So then we went swimming and it was marvelous!

In other news, cheer is sucky... I hate running laps as punishment for something I didn't do. I also LOVE when the other base doesn't catch the flyer and I get all the weight... so fun. And dance is wonderfuuul. My old lady class is getting bigger and some younger people are joining so its alrighttt.

All my friends have been sick lately and I've been crossing my fingers that I don't get it and until today, I was doing AWESOME. And then as I was sitting in psychology I was like, my nose is stuffy. Ever since I've been blowing my nose and sniffling like a crazy person. I'm not too happy about it, but I guess I'll survive...

bummer... this picutre didn't really turn out. well, it was a dead cat and said 'you killed it! 100 points!' ...don't ask. i <3'd it.

pandora and papers.

I have officially applied for college. That's a seriously scary thought. I filled out the questions and wrote the essays and ordered ACT scores to be sent. Its all for real. Scary as hell.

Um... its been a kind of uneventful life recently. I ate at Sonic. And right now I'm listening to my Phantom of the Opera pandora channel and its playing some wonderful stuff to inspire me in writing my psych paper.

Tomorrow I'm going homecoming dress shopping in Chicago. It's gonna be great hopefully! I few of my friends and I are going in search of our perfect senior dress so I'm crossing my fingers that we find what we want. I have some things in mind... that are really different from what anyone would expect. It'll be interesting.

Right now, I'm jammin to some Can You Feel The Love Tonight. It's great.

electricity.

Today was dumb. I got home from school with a dead phone and all I wanted to do was charge it. But then, after being home for literally 5 minutes, the power went out. So... I got like 5% of phone charge, which lasted all of 3 minutes and nobody was home. The garage door wouldn't open, so I was stuck inside my house, alone with no phone, no internet, no tv and nothing to do. I was so bored, I bagged puppy chow for the football players. If you don't know, that means I was realllllly fucking bored. It was great fun.

The last few days have been thoroughly uneventful. I've jumped from dance to cheer back to dance again... in cheer, I got moved to a different stunt group because their base was dumb and not showing up for practice (if you're reading this, please know I sincerely hate your attitude) so now I get to do it instead. Oh the joy. And I now officially have 3 pulled muscles... one in my back, my groin (great word, I know) and on Wednesday at dance, I pulled a muscle in my thigh. Winning at its finest. 

Teeheehee, I'm uploading from Laina's computer tonight. New change of scenery for meeee! Buuut, she doesn't have a webcam sooo, you don't get to enjoy it. Sucks for you.

Hey, guess what, I love you.

rebellion.

It is 11:54 on a Monday morning. Sure, as a high school senior, I should probably be in school right now... but am I? Of course not. Why, you ask? Because I'm badass. Well, I mean, I can pretend I am at least, right? Really, I had a doctor appointment and then my classes weren't worth going back to until 9th hour advance biology at 2. So, I'm here at home, getting homework done like the good student I am. I'm supposed to be working on college applications but I just can't bring myself to do it.

I actually have lots of things to talk about today.... so get readdyyyy. Let's go all the way back to Saturday and the back to school dance. It was great! I love dances a lot, and we had a new dj and he was soooo much better than the old one. It was a great way to kick off my senior year!

Hmmm... Sunday, Meghan and I went all out for the VMA's. We made t-shirts and watched all of the black carpets and then the actual show. When Lady Gaga came out, we both looked at each other and were like .....what the fuck? and remained confused and highly disturbed for the remainder of the show. On the other hand, Adele was FANTASTIC. I have so much respect for her and she is SO talented, it's ridiculous. Plus Beyonce is having a BABYYYY! Its going to be a freaking gorgeous child, lets be honest. And my man Justin Bieber won best male video, which had Meghan and me screaming. To top everything off, my favorite actor on this earth, Russell Brand, gave a tribute to Amy Winehouse, so I got to see his wonderful face and hear his fabulous accent.

Sooo... today I went to the doctor, which was super duper funsies.... I've been having a lot of back pain at night, which we thought was heartburn, so I was just going to get a prescription of something to help with that. However, when we got there, she started poking at my back and lower rib cage, and then I was almost crying in pain. So my doctor thinks I have some strained muscles and not heartburn. But I have to take heartburn drugs first to see if it helps and then go from there. It never ends.

oh hey. this is my classy boyfriend.

sooo ready for the VMAs

daddy watched the VMAs too. fist pumpin to party rock anthem.

fooootball.

Last night was my high school's first football game of the season! I'm a cheerleader, so it was also our first game of the season, and I was super pumped. My friend Jackie and I sang the national anthem (made me feel like such a senior) and it was a super adrenaline rush. It was a tight game, but we won 24-20! It makes me excited for the rest of our season, because the team we played was supposed to be really good. I would LOVE to cheer at a state football game, so we'll see what happens.

In other news, I LOVE my Wednesday night dance class. It's half an hour of tap then half an hour of jazz, and the teacher is fantastic. There's only 2 of us in the class, so we get to do more fun stuff. My Thursday class on the other hand is not as enjoyable. It's me and 3 women who are like between 45 and 65. Oh sooo fun. But I can't quit, because I love dance tooo much. Yay.. so that's my exciting life.

Tonight is the back to school dance and cookout, so I'm super excited. It's gonna be greattt. Now I'm gonna go eat lunch and swim with my boyfranddd. Peace outttt.

danceydanceydance.

I START DANCE TONIGHT! I'm a little bit excited. Dancing is literally the only thing that keeps me sane during the school year, so I'm super pumped to start for the season. Tonight is high school tap/jazz with a young teacher who's really fun - and special bonus, it's an hour class instead of 45 minutes! So I get 15 extra minutes of happy before I go back home to papers and calculators. Then tomorrow, I have my 45 minute advanced tap class. Which is much more of a challenge than tonight's class, and therefore even more fun! Tap is the only time I really like to be challenged, but in tap, there's nothing too difficult or complex for me. It's the one thing that I am really talented at, which feels really good, and which is why I love it so much. My teacher for advanced tap is like 75 years old and has been dancing FOREVER. She's taught me tap since I was 3 and she is not only an amazing dancer, but an awesome person. Every once in a while, she and I get into a little bit of a spat, but I respect her a ton and really look up to her. I absolutely love my dance studio and all of the teachers/secretaries that work there. Everyone knows me and it really feels like a family. I'm not a member of the ballet company, or even the performance company (considering I'm only actually good at tap, both of those would be disastrous for me), but the fact that I still feel welcome is important. Needless to say, I absolutely cannot wait to put on my well broken in, tan taps tonight. I love these damn shoes more than any other shoe that I own because they look so well used and I feel like a million bucks when I'm wearing them . I have newer taps that are black, but they're just not the same. My beloved taps are falling apart though, so I'm afraid they're not going to survive my final season as a tapper, which would break a little piece of my heart. It'll be interesting to see who is in my classes because a lot of seniors graduated last year, and a few others just aren't coming back. Also, in advanced tap, it's usually a lot of adults and then me... which is fine, but I like not being the only one under the age of 40. I know my friend Kara is in my class tonight - she and I have danced together for an eternity - so that will be fun for sure. 

Sorry for that incredibly loooong post about my dance classes.... not really sure how that happened. 

i love tutus almost as much as i love dance itself

ohkay, so this isn't me... and i defs don't do pointe but i love the saying soooo... you get to look at it.