college saturday night.

Well.... this was my first Saturday night in college. Let's just say we've been at SLU for 4 days and 11G (my floor) already has a reputation across campus. You say you live in 11G, the response you'll most likely get is "ohhh man, that's a fun floor" or some other reference to our parties. Two girls got written up for alcohol tonight on our floor and pretty much everyone is either out at a party or drunk. There was a big group of us that just sat in a dorm room and talked and watched all the drunk people on our floor being idiots. It was highly amusing... never try roller blading while intoxicated, it doesn't end well. I'm really really glad that I found a group of girls who don't drink that I can hang out with. It's super awesome and all of them are really cool to hang out with. I start classes Monday and I'm tweaking out a little bit but it'll all work out!

God knows what He's doing.

So, I'm finally at college... crazy thought, right? Well, it's been a crazy busy 24 hours and to be honest, I haven't really felt that 'click' yet. The "this is where I belong, look I'm making so many new friends" sort of thing. But hopefully it'll get better. Tonight we had a square dance and then late night breakfast so I met some new people there. My roommate and I seem to get along well... so far we've pretty much just been giving each other our space but I think she and I have the same opinions on a lot of things. Hopefully it will all work itself out and be what God wants it to be. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Now I'm sitting here in my dorm room alone and I'm wondering what's going to be next for me.... I know God has a plan so I'm really trying to trust Him and follow His lead.

my itsy bitsy dorm room.... 

here goes nothing...

In 2.5 days, I'll be leaving my home, my friends, my family and everything I've ever known for college and St. Louis. To say I'm scared would be an understatement. What if I don't make friends? Or what if my roommate and I don't get along? Or what if my classes are really hard? Basically, my mind has been running at a million miles an hour for the last week. I know I'll be alright but the fear of the unknown is killing me. I've been packing up all my stuff and I have so much more than I anticipated. Like, two huge garbage bags plus two huge totes full of just clothes and shoes. Plus I'm not done packing my clothes. I was dumb though and didn't really think to leave myself any clothes for the next few days.... which means I'll basically be rocking the same outfit on repeat. Yummmo. Hopefully I won't smell toooo bad. My mom is going to be such a hot mess, she is being so clingy and obnoxious this week. The hardest part is saying goodbye... So far three of my best friends have left on their own college journeys, which has left my life pretty boring. You wouldn't think three people leaving would have such a big impact but it definitely has. In the next few days, the goodbyes just get harder - my friend who hasn't left yet, my friends who are still in high school and my parents. I'll probably cry like crazy for all but my parents. To be honest, I'm not sure that will make me too upset at all. I'm ready to be independent and on my own. My whole life I've been kind of  "smothered" under their love and it's time for me to handle myself.

So overall, I'm terrified, but very, very ready to leave. Hopefully I won't forget anything major at home on move-in day. And don't worry, I'll keep you updated on all my adventures as a college student!

xoxo

soon.

One month and two days. Holy poop, that isn't very long. I feel like college, that elusive, noncommittal being in the future, came up out of nowhere and I'm suddenly floundering in attempts to not forget anything. I've been buying the things I'll need like a crazy person and probably buying waaaay too much. I mean, do I really need a bed bug cover, feather mattress pad, mattress protector, sheets, comforter, blankets, pillow, pillow cases, bed bug pillow protector, and body pillow with cover just to sleep at night? Probably not. But I'm not gonna leave that up to chance. I definitely don't want to end up with bed bugs. And I've been assured by all the lovely sales people that it's all completely necessary. Then there's the kitchen supplies and the desk supplies and the bathroom supplies and the everything else stuff. Who knew it took so much! So yeah... I have lists upon lists upon lists. On top of that, I leave for Ireland in four days and six flags in two days. Therefore no free time in my foreseeable future.

In other news, this week has been pretty chill, just catching up on sleep from the TEC weekend. Until I went to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight last night... then went to work at 8 this morning. I'm pretty much exhausted right now. But my heart is breaking for the families and victims of the Batman shooting in Colorado. I honestly don't know what would possess someone to commit such a horrible crime against completely innocent people. Seventy one people were shot. That's more than 3/4 of my graduating class. Like, that's a lot of people. I just can't even fathom it. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone effected by this horrible tragedy.

Hopefully exciting things will happen in my life soon because right now, things are helllllla boring to blog about. I guess once college comes, it'll really spice things up! So many new experiences in my future! I'm so nervous but I also can't wait!!

"She took the leap and built her wings on the way down."

friday da 13th.

I actually did stuff at work this mornings. What has life become?! Usually on Fridays, I sit and count tiles but today they actually kept us busy! We made folders and stocked baby warmers and put stickers on things and used a label maker! It's really pathetic when that's a highlight of my day. Now I'm sitting in my office waiting for my friend to call from Ireland! She said she'd call sometime between noon and four my time which means I could be sitting here waiting for a while. Which is actually fine cause I don't really have anything else to do anyway. Um... so I just found this patch of skin on my arm that's a gross and flaky and I don't know why.... sorry, random tangent. Tonight, I have to work, and Tanmay will be gone so it'll just be me, Sam and John, but John doesn't even do anything... so really it'll just be me and Sam. So we'll be reallllly busy. Then I have to go over to TEC where I'll be spending the rest of my weekend... YAY! But for now, I'm stuck sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring. Which is hella boring. Meh. Also, my hair is wavy today. In case you were wondering.

not my day.

I don't know why, but this has really just not been my weekend.. at all. I feel like I'm so tired I could just collapse but I haven't even done anything and I've gotten plenty of sleep. Everything and everyone is pissing me off and I just want to crawl into a dark corner and cry. It's probably long overdue... I mean, everyone has times like this, right? I usually brush these kinds of moods off and focus on acting happy but I just don't have the energy to do that right now. Like seriously, I could probably lay down in my bed right now and never get up again. But this is turning into a downer post and that's no fun.. so I'll give you a weekend recap instead.

Friday, I worked.... and then I think I hung out with my mom (?) then I worked some more. That night I saw Magic Mike (questionable at best...). Saturday, I hung out with dearest Lyssa and got coffeeeeee and then my dad and I went to see Brave (much less questionable than Magic Mike). Today I went to church, cleaned my room, hung out with Laura and Laina then went out to dinner to celebrate my daddy's birthday (which is technically tomorrow, but its whatever).

So yeah... kind of a lame weekend. I probably wouldn't have been the most enjoyable person to be around anyway honestly. I don't know what's wrong with me... mehhhh.

Hopefully this next week will be a lot more happy and exciting.. I have some things I really need to get sorted out before this weekend happens so cross your fingers that it goes well and doesn't end in an epic train wreck, which honestly is very likely. UGH. Kay, I'm going to go to sleep now, rant ovah.

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today."

new sweater! look, i seem happy, right?? yayyy faking it!

growing up.

I guess I'm giving this blog a comeback. Thanks Laura for inspiring me to get back on the blog train. When I got a tumblr a few months ago, I kind of gave up this thinking that would be the same but guess what, it's not! So you missed some seriously important events, senior prom, spring musical, graduation, graduation party, NYC trip... I've been a busy girl! But now life is changing and I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Heading off to college in a month and a half, I want to record this next step just like I recorded my (beginning/middle of) senior year. I love looking back at my old posts and remember what a dork I was. We'll see how often I actually update this. Who knows, maybe my mom and dad will read this to keep up with me while I'm in St. Louis... I guess that means I'll have to control my language. Struggle of the century. 

With college right around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about who I am and who I want to become. After seeing Channing Tatum's new movie, Magic Mike, I realized that I'm not your average young woman. To be honest, I felt scummy after seeing it and like I seriously needed to go to confession. #catholickidproblems I know.. I was supposed to take Jenna and Alyssa to go see it, but I can't bring myself to take them knowing how it is. Maybe I'm a prude or an old fart at the ripe age of 18 but that's just not the kind of girl I want to be. I'm finding that in college, my options will be even more than I imagined and I don't want to be the girl who wastes her life living for the temporary things in the moment. I want to change the world, which may sound cliche but I want my life to mean something more. Now I'm probably just aimlessly babbling and I should go to bed... it's 12:20 at night after all. I'll probably look back at this post in the morning or 10 years from now and laugh at myself, but that's part of the fun of a blog, right? We'll just go with that I guess.

Hopefully I'll start getting into the habit of blogging more and such... nothing exciting, probably more of a personal life log than anything else. It'll be interesting to see what happens one year from now and how my life has worked out.

"One day, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."