friends.

Okay, so this is a totally random post and it has not much of anything to do with anything but guy friends are literally the greatest things ever. I've never had super close guy friends before so I didn't really know what it was like. In college I have these two really super amazingly awesome guy friends named Brad and Conor. They are seriously so much fun and make me laugh so hard all the time. Best of all? The stick up for you and support you through anything. Tonight I was feeling kind of homesick and upset and Brad was snuggling with Alex (they have a thing if ya know what I mean) and he was just like 'Maggie come here, I have two arms' and offered to comfort me. Alex probably wouldn't have liked that too much but it was the thought that counted. So yeah... I really really like having guy friends, it's such a new experience!

this only happens to me.

Why is it that I date guys that everyone else thinks are gay? I get back from going home for the weekend and I find that Ben has gone shopping.... and bought cardigans, v-necks and skinny jeans. Da fuck? And I'm wearing a tshirt that he has too tonight and he just said to me in an incredibly feminine voice "we could wear matching t-shirts sometime!" and Alex almost died laughing. Seriously... I don't even know what I'm doing with my life right now. He's such an amazing guy and apparently he's really into me but I don't know how I feel and I still feel emotionally damaged from the whole Adam situation and so I seriously am losing my mind. I don't have a clue what to do. Today, we were supposed to go get lunch but I had killer cramps so we just cuddled and I took a nap and it was perfect in everyday but there's always people around so there's no such thing as privacy and I really don't do PDA. At all. Like, I hate it. A lot. And everyone on our floor things we're freaking perfect so that puts me in an even more compromising situation. Did I mention that he tells the same story like fifty fucking times in a row? It gets real old, real fast. And this little old blog is the only place I can vent, so here it is. If anyone has some expert relationship advice, let me know cause lord knows I need it.

kiss and tell.

So, I went on a date last night. It was so uncharacteristic of me to be honest. Like, I always said I needed to be really good friends with a guy before we went out and I've known this guy for like a week. He's really good friends with my best friend Alex's roommate and he had a shitty roommate situation so he would always just hang out on our floor in their room, where I would also be since they have the comfy futon. Christy and Alex decided to play matchmaker and set us up, and guess what, it worked! I told them I thought he was cute, they told me he said the same thing and basically what happened is that we knew we were into each other and we would kind of snuggle but not really and then Tuesday night a group of us were watching a movie in their room and towards the very end of the movie, I put my head on his shoulder and then he put his arm around me and then it kind of escalated from there.... So then yesterday, he texted me and asked what I was doing that night and so he asked me out on a date :) It was kind of awkward at first... we were both really nervous, but I looked super cute, so that gave me some confidence. After a slightly uncomfortable meal where I got to know a lot more about him (he sails, his favorite color is green, he likes fruit, etc. - creep, i know), we went to his room to watch a movie. The catch is that he doesn't actually have a futon... just his bed. So we snuggled on his bed and watched The Notebook. Except I think I might have fallen asleep and something tells me he wasn't really paying attention. So it was really just an excuse to snuggle. Half way through the movie, his new roommate walked in and was like "oh shit, what's going on, man next time, just text me, sorry for interrupting" and it was really awkward and uncomfortable. Anyway... we were just laying on his bed (not in, don't worry!) and he kissed me. Like, not just a little peck on the lips. But it wasn't like full on making out either. It was just right. Best part? He actually showed self control and pull me back when it was too much, which doesn't sound like an important detail, but to me, it meant a lot. He might not have even been consciously doing it. But it happened... on the first date. And high school Maggie would be totally appalled with me right now. I mean, we aren't dating, I don't even know that we will be dating. Plus, now I'm wondering how I break to him that I'm saving myself for marriage. Like, I hardly know him (wow, this just keeps sounding worse...) and its such an awkward situation to bring up. But it needs to be said sooner rather than later, right? Otherwise it just gets messy and uncomfortable. So anyway, thats my life currently. I can't decide whether I'm happy or want to slow things down. This is how college is supposed to be, so why don't I feel quite right about it? I really really like Ben, but the inner good girl in me is freaking out. And it's not like I'm even doing anything bad... I really just need to chill the fuck out. #welcometomylife

boys.

Ugh. Boys are a struggle. First of all, there's this awkward boy who's a super sweet guy, but not for me who thinks I'm super hot and keeps asking people for advice on how to talk to me.... and I feel really bad but it's just not gonna happen. And then there's this other guy, but that's a pain in the butt of a situation. Here's the kicker, I have guy friends. Like, not just kinda friends like I had in high school, but like legit guy friends. It's so weird.

Things at college have been going well! Yesterday a big group of us went to see a Cardinals game and then we all just hung out. Plus, MEGHAN was here this weekend, which was FABULOUSSS!

UPDATE: Okay, so I started writing this blog at like 4:30 this afternoon but then I got distracted... so let me just tell you all about the scary shit that went down since then. Firstly, all hell broke loose in the Gries complex and sketchy shit involving me and my friends was like terrifying, then Alex and I went to a drill team "info night" which is apparently code for 'lets drag all of them to the top of a sketchy abandoned parking deck and fucking scream at them even though they have no idea what they're doing'. Yeah, good fucking times. At one point one of the guys came up to me and screamed, 'why are you here?' and I was on the verge of tears so I was just like 'I don't fucking want to be here!' so he was like 'no one is making you stay!'. Of course, I couldn't really leave by myself and abandon Alex, considering she was the only reason I was there... So I just threw up a peace sign in the air and literally said 'peace out bros' and walked over to the corner where I sat down and tried not to cry. It was literally the worst night of my life. I was shaking for like an hour afterwards and Alex almost threw up in the bushes like 4 times as we were walking home. Seriously, awful. And I'm getting sick... and I got like 3 hours of sleep last night. Everything is fucking roses right now guys.

coloring pages and football games.

I've almost survived my second week of college with no problems. I have my first quiz tomorrow in college algebra, but I'm not too concerned... it's just review. We're also turning in our first english papers and I had my first bio lab but it's all been fairly painless! I rearranged my room today with the help of some lovely boys who proceeded to do weird manly things once they successfully moved my wardrobe... boys are so strange and foreign to me. Anyway, Meghan and my mama are both coming tomorrow and I'm super excited to see them and spend the weekend with Meggo. She'll get to see all the lovely SLU sights, from Billiken waffles to Slutty Saturday. We keep it real classy here. Like last night, a group of like 5 of us sat on the floor in my room and watched football while coloring in my Sesame Street coloring book. Annnd Alex and I ate an entire thing of Oreos, peanut butter and milk. Which was swell. But we also climbed enough stairs to make it to the top of the Sears Tower, so it's whatever. This is my college life, never a dull moment, that's for sure.

this is not a drive by-y-yyy! except it totally was.

Last Saturday and Sunday mornings, plus yesterday morning and this morning when I woke up, I've checked my emails and gotten something from the SLUDOPS (department of public safety)... let's just say some sketchy shit happens around here. The first three were all about attempted rapes on campus or directly off campus, but they make sure to emphasize that those involved were NOT affiliated with the university. Today however, I woke up and checked my email to see that there was a drive by shooting about a block from campus, in an area I had been last night. Sketchy, right? Welcome to SLU. We are basically friends with guys for the sole purpose of having them to walk with at night when we want to go somewhere. It's great fun. Parties here are sketchy as fuck too... at least from what I hear.. I wouldn't actually know. Yayyyyy college!

lazy sunday.

Well guess what. I should be doing homework right now... but instead I'm blogging! It's been a kind of lazy Sunday, slept til 10:30, took a shower, did some homework, went to lunch with friends (nothing on campus is open on Sunday for lunch except the Gries cafeteria in case you were wondering) and now I'm back here to do some more work before going to work out this afternoon. Tonight, I'm going to dinner with Katherine and her parents who are in town then going to mass at 9 with Rachel and Molly. It's been weird, my closest friend went home for the weekend so it's been dull on good old 11G. But 11G made a sorority on our floor and are getting 'Delta Phi Camel' tshirts so we're all really really excited. Our floor has bonded so well and we are really tight... well, at least half of us are. But I guess I should really go do homework now so I can go to the gym.... yaaaaaay fitness.