thankful. (part one)

Everyone has been doing tweets and Facebook statuses (stati?) and blog posts everyday during November for what they are thankful for. I'm far too lazy to do it everyday, so here is my big, giant list. I know this isn't even close to everything but it gets the general gist!

1. My mama - My mom is the best mom a girl could ever ask for. She is my best friend and I can tell her literally anything and know she won't judge me (well, she might judge me, but she won't be mad at me for it). Even though she and I don't always get along and she sometimes annoys the poop out of me, I love her so much and I'm so thankful for her.

2. My daddy - I'm such a daddy's girl it's ridiculous. He's the bomb diggity and even though he's more strict than my mom, he's a big softy and will do anything for me. It's because of him that I am the woman I am today.

3. My big, crazy family - There's a million and ten of us on the Schopp side but my aunts, uncles, cousins and their kids are amazing. We all aren't incredibly close but whenever we're together, it's like we all click. Even though the cousins range in age from 44 years to 3 months old, we all have each others backs. I'm especially thankful for Emily, my cousin who's only 5 months younger than me. We don't hang out much, but we have so much in common and understand each other and what the other one is going through.

4. My high school friend group - God blessed me with an AMAZING group of friends in high school. Each and every one of them hold a special place in my heart and I will be there for them forever. We've all had our fair share of drama and fights, but coming back from college and seeing everyone again has been like we were never apart to begin with.

5. My SLU friends - Somehow, I was put in the right place at SLU. I ended up living between the three best friends a girl could ask for, and 2/3 doors down from another 2 amazing girls. And because of these five ladies, I've also met the best 2 guy friends in the world. All of them are so caring and put others needs before their own, more so than anyone I've ever met. If I ever need anything, I know that one, if not all of them, will jump at the opportunity to help me, which is so amazing in this crazy college life.

6. Jenna and Alyssa - These girls were seriously angels sent to get me through a hard time. Even though befriending them put all of us in a tricky situation, I'm so glad it happened. They are so amazing and reassured me that everything would be alright when I thought the world was ending (don't hate me for being overdramatic). I don't know why they put up with my whining and complaining, but I'm sure glad they did.

7. My ex boyfriends - Because of these two, I am a better, stronger woman of God and I have begun to believe in my own decisions. I have become more independent and confident because of these stupid idiots. Not bitter at all, I promise ;)

8. My house - I think I take for granted the nice house I have. It is a beautiful home and I am so blessed to live in such a nice place while there are people with no home to live in.

9. Food - I love to eat. And therefore I love food. 'Nuff said.

10. My iPhone - I love that stupid piece of technology and would be perpetually helpless and bored without it.

11. My laptop - Ditto to the above statement.

12. SLU - I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am that I ended up at SLU. It is everything I ever wanted in a college and I am so beyond happy there.

13. My fireplace - Having a fireplace is just really really nice.

14. Shopping - I love shopping, what can I say.

15. The ability to dance - Dance is the perfect outlet for all of my emotions and I never realized how much I loved it until I didn't have the chance to do it anymore. It's the thing I miss the most in college. It's so hard to express myself and de-stress without it. I miss those damn tan leather tap shoes!

16. Central Catholic - Even though I hated it at the time and complained a lot, that place gave me such a great knowledge of my faith. Without Central, I really doubt I would have the relationship with God that I do, and I definitely wouldn't be able to defend my beliefs the way I am able to now.

17. Mrs. Myers - This woman is my biggest role model. The first time I babysat her kids, I walked around her house (in the least creepy way possible) and it was filled with quotes and pictures about keeping faith first and raising a family to be the best followers of Christ possible. She lives her life in a way I can only dream to as an excellent model to her students, children and everyone around her. I wish I could thank her for how much she changed my life. She pushed me to step outside my comfort zone and believed in me even when I didn't believe in myself. She will forever hold the spot in my heart as my favorite teacher of all time.

18. Dominique - Although she can be annoying as hell, I am thankful for her as my roommate. I've heard horror stories and it could be so much worse. She and I can usually coexist really well and she vacuumed the whole room and emptied the trash cans before we left for break, so I can't really complain too much.

well, that happened.

So... this has been a crazy eventful weekend. Friday was the first men's basketball game so we all went to the game (which we won of course!) and then headed back to Gries to get ready for a party at the Coronado. It was a stoplight party so all of us (except Christy) put on our green and the pre gaming began. Alex took her first shot ever, and everyone else did a few, or 13 in James' case... except me cause I'm a chicken. So then we got to the party, which was lame as helllll. Everyone was just kind of standing around. My exact thought process was "I'm gonna have to get drunk to even have a decent time at this party..." so when Conor said "Maggie, hold my drink" I didn't exactly hesitate to try it. And it tasted like ass. My face immediately felt like it was on fire and so I kept drinking. When he got back, he took it back and was like "where'd my drink go?" Oops. So then I had to buy my own. It cost me $5 for a fucking cup that I knew I wouldn't be able to drink more than half of. But I did it anyway. And I kept drinking the jungle juice that tasted like cough syrup and it was nasty. Apparently I kept saying "this tastes so baaaaaaad," "why doesn't Ben like me? I just want him to like me again," "can I flip them off please??" and "don't let me call my ex boyfriend." Awkward life. But I know I was only saying the stuff about Ben because Christine told him to make out with Kate so he spent the whole night all over her. Which pissed me off at both of them. The whole time I was angry and wanted to leave so Alex just kept telling me to keep drinking and it would get better. And then he was talking to Alex and was like "I want Maggie and I to be friends again, I feel bad that it didn't work out." And then proceeded to say a million more drunk things. Lord only knows. So yeah. Then we left the party and a bunch of people went to Marg but Mari and I went back to Gries. I guess I tried to cartwheel across a major street too... which is real awkward. But by the time we got back to the dorm, I was totally fine. Christy, Alex, Ben and James got back not too much later and Christy was hurling her guts out. Which meant Alex and I got stuck holding her hair back while James and Ben sat there and giggled like little girls. Eventually we went to sleep at like 3 and had to be back up by 7:40 to do some more service for APO. After that, Alex, Rachel, Brad and I ran "the amazing race" all across SLU, which was so intense and I'm so sore from it today. We got 38th place out of 57, so it wasn't too shabby considering we had no idea what to expect. Then Rachel and I went to see the Rockettes last night, which was awesome and made me wanna dance, but I'm way too sore to even lift my legs. Today, I studied and went to the library (a first for me!) and almost killed my roommate and drove to Ted Drewes with the girls! Then tonight at 11:11, we're having a party in Alex and Christy's room (they live in 1111) since its 11/11! Weeeee!

Pray for me, my bio test tomorrow is gonna rape me in the asshole....

voting.

I just voted for the first time! Although Missouri is labeled as a republican state and therefore, my vote did not matter as much as it would have in a place like Ohio, it's awesome to know that my opinion mattered, even if only a little bit. Me and my friends are planning on staying up until we know who the president is. All of us are republican and definitely pro-Romney so there won't be any tension as long as Conor isn't here. We're just excited to be able to be a part of something! If you haven't yet and are reading this, GO VOTE!

nothing new.

Life keeps on going. Thanksgiving break is in two weeks and I'm so excited to go home! I love everyone here but it's always good to get a break from all of them. Especially asshole exboyfriend who is sitting about three feet away from me and smells so good. It's ridiculous that I'm even thinking about it. What am I? Pathetic, that's what. Not too much new has been happening around her. Drunk people, drunk people and more drunk people. Yay. Kill me now. People are fucking dumb. I don't even have anything worthwhile to say in this post. That's pretty much it. Here's some pictures. I hardcore rearranged my room too. Life's good.

meet rapunzel. my bestest slu friends made her for me for my birthday. she has 7 hearts in her, one for me, nicole, molly, mari, alex, rachel and this little girl named bella who really wanted to put a heart in it too. it was precious. and i love these girls too much. 

yayyy new room arrangement! finally room for a futon!

alex's foot is bigger than my face. also, this is what happens, along with alex making up songs and us trying to learn how to wop/cat daddy, when its late and alex and i have cheese sticks on a sunday night.

justin mothereffing bieber.

Things are seriously rocking on. Like, was it really only Wednesday I got dumped? It seems like forever. Ben and I were a fucking baaaaad idea.... never doing that again. Plus, we're all 97% sure he likes boys...which would be a problem considering I'm not a boy. So anyway, I've been just kind of ignoring/avoiding him because I don't want to deal with it and he's annoying as fuck. Crazy how quickly things can change. Anyway, I'm happier and less stressed now. Me, Alex, Brad and Conor worked at a halloween party for disadvantaged children on Friday afternoon so Brad and I spent some quality time together as we chaperoned a little girl around. It was kind of awk but he's funny so it's whatever. I tried to ask him about the Kate drama but he basically pleaded the 5th. Which was annoying. But we got to dress up and wear our loofah costumes while the boys wore their soap boxes that we put so much time into making. Then, that night, Meghan was here and we got all dressed up in costume and tried to catch a bus to a party at a club but after not fitting into the first two shuttles, we decided we didn't want to wait in the freezing cold for another 20 minutes to squeeze into the next bus. So we came back and Meghan and I made our tshirts for the Justin Bieber concert and watched some Say Yes to The Dress. Saturday was Make a Difference Day at SLU so we woke up at 7 and spent the next 7 hours doing intense yard work in an old cemetery. By the time we got back, Meghan and I had some serious Justin Bieber preparation to do. Once we got to the concert, we had to wait in line for an hour and a half to get in, then wait in another ridiculous line to buy merchandise. But it was totally worth it for my amazing new J Biebs shirt! Then Cody Simpson was the opening act (he's fucking attractive and talented!), followed by Carly Rae Jepsen. She definitely wasn't anything too special but she did sing Call Me Maybe! Then there was Justin. I can't even explain how amazing it was. I know you're probably a hater, but it was seriously the best thing I've ever experienced. Like, words cannot express. But then Sunday came and I actually had to do homework... which sucked ass. And then yesterday, I did some more homework and chilled out. And now, I'm doing homework. Gotta love college life... But last night, on campus a student was robbed at gunpoint. Which makes me feel reallllly safe and shit. And there's a ton of drama at SLU because the college of arts and sciences voted 30-2 against our schools president in a vote of no confidence. So that's kind of alarming. Like, really alarming. But now I'm off to finish my paper... only two more paragraphs, I can do this! Oh and last Thursday I saw Les Mis at the Fox, it was amazing!!

this is a picture of approximately 80% of my best friends in the entire world. 

Justin Bieber, fuck yeah.

seriously, greatest costumes ever. alex is a genius for coming up with it

dat ass.

he's fucking beautiful.

but seriously?

I'm honestly just posting this because I don't have anything better to do. I don't have any imminent homework and all my friends are working on theirs so I'm just sitting in my room... cause Ben is in Christy and Alex's room and I just don't want to deal with that shit right now. I can feel this one headed straight down the drain. Which might be fine. I just got froyo with Alex, Lynn and Conor so that was good.

UPDATE: Well, in the middle of writing this blog post, Ben walks in and gives me some bullshit "I'm done with the drama, you're stressing me out and it's bad for my health" and that I didn't care enough about his health issues. So clearly, in the back of my mind, the only thing I can hear is Adam's voice saying "you are too selfish for me"... and then all I can think is "You are not worth anything. No one will ever be able to love you because your anxiety disorder ruins everything." It's literally what is standing between me and actually being confident and happy. I'm so sick of constantly worrying about everything all the time. Oh, and he actually had the audacity to say "phones work both ways you know" to my face. Like, hello, you're the one who needed to learn that lesson... not me. I texted you plenty thank you. And now I'm 97% sure that Christine is gonna go around spreading shit about me to him because she has a tendency to be a two-faced bitch and she was always a little jealous of me and Ben. So apparently he and I are "taking a break" until he gets his health figured out. Which is whatever because I won't be here waiting for him. I deserve better. I deserve a true man of God and I refuse to settle for less. This was a nice, although late, rebound from Adam and I know what I actually want now. I don't even fucking know what happened between us but I'm alright with it being over. I just feel like I am literally worthless now. And that's what kills me. Plus there's gonna be a shit ton of drama on the floor now and I don't want that. I just want this to all be over and move on. Now I'm off to ask Justin Bieber to my APO formal. It never hurts to ask, right? Haha, you think I'm joking right now, but I'm totally not. At all. 

home sweet home.

Well, yay for fall break. I survived my first college midterms... survived being a relative term of course considering how badly I did on my bio test. But they're over and now I don't really have to stress until finals time. I mean, I'll still have work to do and everything but not as much. Being home these past four days have taught me a lot of things. Firstly, people change. Things happen and distance makes things different. It's not anything that anyone can control and I'm sure I've changed too. It's just one of those things I need to learn to deal with because I can't do anything about it regardless. Secondly, high school sucked ass and I definitely don't need to go re-live it. I went to visit and see friends, which was nice, but it was also awkward as hell with everyone looking at me like "why the fuck is she here" like sorry bros, my bad. But I got to eat cookies so everything was a-okay. And I got a hair cut! Plus while I was home I got to see all my favorite people that are still around, including Alaina and Meghan who just happened to be home too! I got a lot of things I really needed and I'm bringing back all my winter clothes, eek! And best of all, I got a dress for my Alpha Phi Omega initiation formal dance! I don't know that I'm in love with it but it'll do and it was pretty cheap. Plus it got approval from Alex, Conor and Ben so it can't be that horrid. I'm super excited to get back to 11G and see all my lovely ladies and get back to living the SLU life. Plus, on Thursday I'm going to see Les Mis and on Saturday, I'm going to see J Biebs live in concert. Holy balls, I might poop my pants. Wednesday and Friday, I have full nights of getting service done before APO initiation so it's gonna be a crazy busy week. Hopefully I don't have too much homework and have time for all these fun things. I really have to say, I love being in college in a big city and having so much to do all the time. I would probably die of boredom anywhere else. God really did know what he was doing and I will be forever grateful for the life He has given me. Life is so good sometimes. Now I just have to survive the car ride driving back to the STL tomorrow..

PS - Ben went to the cardiologist today and they still aren't quite sure what his problem is with his heart but it isn't life-threatening which is so good. He has to wear a heart monitor but that's so minor compared to what it could have been. I am so blessed to have him and I am so grateful that he isn't in pain anymore and that hopefully all of this will be over and figured out soon.

not my comfort zone.

Short post today before I go to class... First of all, yesterday was national ass day... so of course all my friends and I celebrated and had lots of ass smacking. Also, we had a dance party to the song that goes, "ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass..." so I pulled out the dance moves that apparently I hadn't done here yet and all my friends freaked out that I could move my ass/boobs like that. And so today Alex was like, "teach me how to do that for the APO formal in a few weeks!" and then we started talking about the dance and it somehow jumped to grinding to which I was like "I have absolutely no idea how to do that.... never done it before." Her and Conor were pretty much shocked. So Alex was trying to teach me and said "You just rub your ass into his dick until he gets hard." And I just kind of stood there. Like, clearly I knew that... but she put it so bluntly. Now I'm kind of nervous for the APO formal cause I'm taking Ben and clearly that will be expected of me and it's so out of my comfort zone and shit... I just don't fucking know. I'm a good girl, I don't do this sort of thing! Okay, end of my prude moment. Gotta love college...

midterms.

This past week has been a crazy flurry of busyness and stress and struggle bussin hardcore. Laura came for a long weekend, which was wonderful! She got to experience the insanity that is SLU, ride the metro, eat Pickleman's and break the two biggest campus rules - picking flowers and running through a fountain! Then, once she left, it was time to study for my biology midterm, which actually didn't rape me as hard as I thought it would, thank you Mr. Taber. That same night, I had to write two papers and do math homework... it was swell. So I stayed up really late studying and such. Monday afternoon came and hit me like a runaway train. I got back from lunch and did laundry then I went to adoration, which is where it all started going downhill. I really really missed adoration, but it also made me question if I was making the decisions I really wanted to be making. I always had such high standards and expectations and now I'm kicking myself all over the place wondering if I'm lowering them or doing what I actually want. So I came back to my room after that and just sat by myself for a while and then started scrolling through Facebook. I saw that my friend Kate posted a status about the one year anniversary of her closest friend from the US's death. He was out kayaking with his friends last year in Lake Michigan and he got sucked into the current and his kayak flipped. They tried and tried to get him out but eventually it was just too late. It kind of struck me how short life can really be. Which made me think even more if I was living how I wanted to be. Out of nowhere, I felt incredibly homesick and eventually ended up crying myself to sleep, which sounds totally pathetic. Anyway, Ben came in like half an hour later and told me he didn't like how I wasn't being myself when we were in groups and he just wished I could be how I am with him around everyone else. He also told me that Christy and Montsy didn't think I liked them, which is so untrue. And I honestly am not acting any different except maybe more shy and quiet when we're in big groups... I don't even know. We'll see where this relationship goes, if anywhere. Right now, I honestly think he's avoiding me. He texts me back one word answers, hasn't come to talk to me once today and basically just completely ignored me when I was in the same room as him. It was super awesome. So yeah. That's my life. And then this morning, Alex had an appointment with the allergist to try and figure out what exactly she's allergic to. We met at the bus stop (and she brought me a muffin!) and then went over there and went through a huge, long registration process. When we finally got into the room,  we ended up sitting there with a 1st year fellowship med student who spoke very little english trying to solve Alex's case. We tried explaining a million times that it was rice crispy treats that caused the reaction and he just kept going "what? raspberries?" in a spanish accent. Eventually the real doctor came in, they stabbed her with a bunch of needles and guess what. Four hours later, after sitting, bored out of our minds, the results were "We don't know, call us again in two weeks, don't eat any rice, chocolate, peanut butter or gelatin in the mean time." So that was a great time. And now I'm here, in my super dark room, trying not to think about homework. Welcome to my life... it's a great time.

this is high school all over again.

DRAMA. So, the whole thing happened Sunday night and all day it was so awkward. I went to the Cardinal's playoff game last night (which was soooo much fun!) with Alex, Nicole, Brad, Conor and Christine, so I got my mind off the issue for a bit. Then when I got back, I tried to put away my clothes from the laundry I'd done earlier and Ben just barges in and starts tearing me down. Dominique was in the room and everything and he just went off like about how I forced him into and uncomfortable situation and on and on and on. So he finally left and I went into Rachel's room and cried for like 20 minutes... then skyped Alyssa, which made everything better :) But then after a shower, I decided I just needed to talk to Christy and be straight up with her about everything. We talked for a little bit and everything is still going to be really awkward but at least everything is out in the open now. Ben came down and he and I talked for a little bit too, which helped. I just don't want it to have to be this way all the time... ya know? Like, I thought I left the drama in high school...

privacy.

At home, there was such a thing as privacy. People didn't have to know the things you didn't want them to know. Here, there's no such thing. Everyone knows everything, or likes to think they know, what happens behind closed doors. And they give you endless shit about it. Ben and I are dating... yes, we make out when the door is closed. But you have no idea about anything what happens other than that. No, his sweater was not off. No, that mark on my neck is not a hickey, I burnt myself on my fucking straightener. Yes, my chin is really red and dry but it's mostly because the weather is changing and my face gets really dry, not scruff burn. I know that you're Ben's best friend and you think that means you need to know everything that happens but leave me alone. Like, do not harass me about it. It's a 24/7 thing too. It's all she says to me is random shit about what Ben and I do in private. And then last night, I was just sitting next to him on the futon and just gets up, tackles him and sits on his fucking face. What the hell? Then she was talking about cum (disgusting conversation topic, right?) and was like 'Ben, I swear to God if you get cum on this couch.' I was just like "uh.... there are so many reasons that won't happen..." but she just keeps pushing it. The kicker was when she said "Ben, have you gotten your dick stroked yet?" while I was sitting right there. Who the hell says that. For real. So finally I was just like "Christy, it's not funny, stop." And then she got all pissy and refuses to talk to me now. Cool. And Ben is like, 'she wants me to side with her because we're so close, but you're my girlfriend and I don't know what to do.' I don't even know why she has a side to take to be honest. Did I do something wrong by not wanting her harassing me all the time? Like, I don't understand why she's so angry with me. At all. I just want to keep my private life private, is that too much to ask? Any input anyone?

In other news, I died a strand of my hair pink for breast cancer awareness month. I love it! It's so bright and Maggie-tastic!

need to vent.

This post is seriously just me getting out my feelings because I don't have anywhere else to put them. What do you do when your best guy friend absolutely hates your boyfriends guts? How do you deal with it when they're yelling at each other about politics and other stupid shit... who's side do you take?Granted, Conor was slightly intoxicated... but that definitely doesn't change it. I can usually put up with Brad and Conor's snide remarks when Ben's not around but tonight I literally could have killed both of them. I just wanted it all to end. And the tension was so thick it was tangible. Then I was laying on the ground and some drunk guy spilt his drink in my eye... like thanks a million bro, that's just what I needed. Basically, I'm just super angsty tonight and I just really need to go to bed but I'm too worked up and upset now. Plus Alex is super upset lately and it breaks my heart, but I don't know her well enough to know how to help her. Ugh.... sometimes, I just wish I could sleep until things work themselves out.

Taken.

So, last night Ben and I were hanging out and I was finally like 'what are we? Are we together or dating or awkward friends with weird benefits or what?' And he was like 'what do you want to be?' And I was like, 'I don't know' and he was like 'do you want to be my girlfriend?' And I said yes! So now I'm a taken woman! He makes me really happy so I'm super excited. It's weird to be in a relationship again.... And I have some serious insecurities left from my last relationship/breakup. But I'm praying that God helps it all work out.

In other news, today's been fabulous. I went to breakfast with Rachel this morning and then Alex and I took an adventure to find out where her doctors appointment is going to be next week. Then we walked back from the med campus and got Starbucks for ourselves and Brad and Conor. Those two are seriously the greatest guy friends a girl could ask for. We literally don't know what we'd do without them and we're so blessed to have them. They're so hilarious and genuinely want us to be happy. And their like brothers to us so there's no awkward pretense or anything which make it even better. I'm just feeling really lucky to have the life I have right now. Here's Conor's tweet after we brought him Starbucks:)

parents weekend.

It's homecoming/parents weekend here at good ol' SLU. My parents came down on Friday night and we went shopping then ate cheesecake! When I got back, I hung out with Alex and her twin sister who was here visiting and Ben and we hung out in Gries then went to Pickleman's and babysat drunk people while watching a movie and painting our nails. Yesterday, we went shopping some more and got some stuff at target (like a bean bag and a rug, getting ready for your visit Laura!). Then last night was the homecoming soccer game which was extremely boring and we only stayed for half... but at half time, there was an incredible firework show. We now know why we pay so much in tuition, it all goes to fireworks, imported palm trees and imported squirrels. But it's worth it, I'm madly in love with my school. It's great to be a Billiken. So anyway, after the game, we came back and got ready in our slutty Saturday clothes and took the metro downtown to the Taste of Saint Louis festival. There was a free All American Rejects concert so we went to that and it was AWESOME. The metro ride was kind of sketchy on the way there, but it was totally worth it. We only knew a few of their songs but we rocked out hardcore to Gives You Hell... dedicated to useless exes. After the concert, we all just came back and watched a movie. I actually fell asleep on the futon with Ben and woke up like 4 hours later and just walked to my room. This is going to sound really awkward and weird but it made me really excited for when I'm married and get to sleep next to the man I love every night, whoever he may be.. How awesome will that be? Unless he snores... then we're going to have a problem. Anyway, my parents and I are going to the zoo today and it's going to be fab! Yay family!

The group before the concert (minus Ben..)

Katie (Alex's twin), Alex, Conor, me and Brad in the back.

oh hey, this is Ben. he's pretty fabulous. i'm a fan.

ps. I was working on a project for my OT class and look what I found! I'm basically a celebrity. It's really old and I completely forgot about it til I just happened upon it. http://www.pantagraph.com/news/local/timber-pointe-offers-campers-taste-of-the-outdoors/article_4efd287c-82d4-11de-89c8-001cc4c03286.html

group projects.

My Interprofessional healthcare class is based almost solely on group work considering the point of that class is teamwork within all health care fields. Which is fine except that we don't choose our own groups and some people don't check their email apparently. There's supposed to be 5 of us in our group and we were supposed to meet sometime this week before class today. Did either happen? Nope. We haven't even heard from 2 of the people in our group and we are meeting after class but I'm not positive that the majority of our group knows that. So this is going to be super fun...

In other news, it's parents weekend so my mom and dad are coming to visit me! I deep cleaned our room today and it's still disgusting. Welcome to living with a slob. It's fantastic... she left dirty salsa dishes out for 2 weeks before I had to ask her to please clean them. Also, she got sick and threw up but didn't take out the trash that contained her vomit for like a week.... and I wasn't about to touch that shit. It was fucking nasty and it smelled like ass. Life is so fun sometimes.

struggle bus.

Ohkay, so this weekend got off to a rough start on Friday night, so I was hoping it could only go up from there, right? Wrong. I woke up Saturday morning and Ben was ignoring me. Apparently he was just really embarrassed but then he got mad that I was mad but I wasn't even mad, I was just frustrated at the whole situation. So anyway, our floor is called the CAMEL floor (Career And Major Exploration Learning), which meant it was only fitting that we went to the zoo for a field trip! We invited all the guys from 15G (where Ben and Sam Sherwood live) to come with us so it was just a giant party. We took the metro there and then had to walk like another 20 minutes through the park to get there, but it was a beautiful day. We got to see the camels and the penguins and elephants and lions and such but of course, the one day we're there is the day that the snow leopard isn't out. Just my luck. It was seriously upsetting. But during that little bit at the zoo, Ben and I made up and although we haven't really talked about it yet (I'm working on it, don't worry), we have a better understanding of each other, at least for now. Last night, Brad, Alex, Ben and I were supposed to go on a double date to see Finding Nemo in 3D at the mall but then Brad pulled a dick move and told Alex that they were 'just friends' after leading her on for a month hardcore. So I ended up canceling on Ben and Alex, Rachel and I had a girls night. We walked to get froyo and then watched Get Him to the Greek and called it an early night. While we did that, Ben and 2 of our other friends went to a party at a different dorm and got shitfaced yet again. Then one of them puked. It was whatever though cause we didn't have to deal with it. Then this morning I wrote a paper and hardcore studied for a huge bio test tomorrow. I was in a review session this afternoon when Alex texted me and told me that our good friend made out with Brad last night, knowing everything that happened between him and Alex and that she was really upset. So that just made everything 20 times worse and its super tense up here on 11G... Plus, I'm going to fail Bio tomorrow, which is gonna be a swell time. Yaaay college.

babysitting.

So, tonight was supposed to be perfect and amazing. First, Ben gave me roses and was super sweet. Then we went to see Disney on Ice (yes, we are 18 years old... and there were 11 of us...) and it was awesomeeee! Prince Charming wiped out on his ass and we all died laughing but felt a little bit bad for him.. and there was a whole Rapunzel section which was clearly my favorite! Then the club baseball team was having a 'fundraiser' party in the basement of an apartment complex off campus so we were going to go to that. The theme was 'Workout Bros and Yoga Hoes' so we all got dressed up and cute. There were 4 of us that weren't going to drink but still wanted to go just to see what it was like, but then one of our good friends was really drunk so Molly had to stay back with her to hold her hair back while she puked and such. So there were like 10 of us that ended up going and it was horrible. NEVER again. It was hot and sweaty and I got covered in beer and jungle juice, whatever the hell that shit is. Three of our friends from our floor got totally, completely, embarrassingly trashed and so did Ben, which was just fucking annoying. Especially after he told me multiple times that he doesn't really drink, never drinks to the point of being drunk and definitely doesn't drink hard liquor. Um.... well, 3 shots, 3 beers and 2 jungle juices later, I'm gonna say he lied to me. That's what pisses me off. If he wants to drink, that's fine, but don't lie to my face about how many shots you've taken when I clearly know it's been more than that. And then the party got busted by the cops so we all had to leave. At that moment, all the problems began. One girl was so drunk that she couldn't walk, so me and Alex had to get 3 random guys to help us get her back to the dorm, which was no easy task. She called our RA and left her a 5 minute voicemail about how drunk she was.... good fucking time, that's for damn sure. It took us 20 minutes to get back to Gries, which is only like 3 minutes away. Then we had to put all the drunks to bed, walk one drunk friend back across campus to his dorm, make sure no one puked and take showers to get all the nasty beer and shit out of our hair. And apparently while Alex and I were walking Conor back to his dorm, Ben was crying and going on and on about how much I mean to him and how he didn't want to mess things up and that he didn't want me to be mad at him, etc., etc. But he was already back to his room by the time I got back so I don't have to deal with that til tomorrow morning... that'll be a great time. Basically, tonight was an epic mess and it's definitely killing what was supposed to be an amazing weekend. Yaaaaay college... definitely never doing that again if I can help it.

bored.

I seriously have nothing to do which is why I've been blogging so much recently. I mean, I guess I could be studying but that's so not my style... which will probably come back to bite me in the ass when I take my first test on Monday in Biology. But all my friends are doing homework right now which means I have nothing to do, so logically I should do my homework but I've never been the logical type. Last night, we had initiation for APO, a service fraternity so that was fun, we got to get all dressed up and look pretty for it, which is a rare occurrence aside from mass on Sunday. Then tonight, there's a profit share for charity at the Flying Cow which is a FroYo place not too far off campus. There's a huge group of us going and none of us have been there yet so it's really exciting! This weekend holds all sort of fun things - a floor trip to the zoo, shopping, slutty Saturday, hopefully Finding Nemo in 3D on a triple date (assuming things between Ben and I have figured themselves out...) and then studying, which definitely is not fun. Oh, and on Friday night, there's a huge club baseball team 'fundraiser' party that all of our friends are going to so we'll probably go for a little bit and then come back and have a girls night, complete with chick flicks, nail painting, face masks and gossip. All the good stuff. And on Saturday we're hopefully getting a new pet fish for Alex since hers died a few weeks ago. It was traumatic. So anyway, its sure to be a long, busy, exciting weekend!!

friends.

Okay, so this is a totally random post and it has not much of anything to do with anything but guy friends are literally the greatest things ever. I've never had super close guy friends before so I didn't really know what it was like. In college I have these two really super amazingly awesome guy friends named Brad and Conor. They are seriously so much fun and make me laugh so hard all the time. Best of all? The stick up for you and support you through anything. Tonight I was feeling kind of homesick and upset and Brad was snuggling with Alex (they have a thing if ya know what I mean) and he was just like 'Maggie come here, I have two arms' and offered to comfort me. Alex probably wouldn't have liked that too much but it was the thought that counted. So yeah... I really really like having guy friends, it's such a new experience!

this only happens to me.

Why is it that I date guys that everyone else thinks are gay? I get back from going home for the weekend and I find that Ben has gone shopping.... and bought cardigans, v-necks and skinny jeans. Da fuck? And I'm wearing a tshirt that he has too tonight and he just said to me in an incredibly feminine voice "we could wear matching t-shirts sometime!" and Alex almost died laughing. Seriously... I don't even know what I'm doing with my life right now. He's such an amazing guy and apparently he's really into me but I don't know how I feel and I still feel emotionally damaged from the whole Adam situation and so I seriously am losing my mind. I don't have a clue what to do. Today, we were supposed to go get lunch but I had killer cramps so we just cuddled and I took a nap and it was perfect in everyday but there's always people around so there's no such thing as privacy and I really don't do PDA. At all. Like, I hate it. A lot. And everyone on our floor things we're freaking perfect so that puts me in an even more compromising situation. Did I mention that he tells the same story like fifty fucking times in a row? It gets real old, real fast. And this little old blog is the only place I can vent, so here it is. If anyone has some expert relationship advice, let me know cause lord knows I need it.

kiss and tell.

So, I went on a date last night. It was so uncharacteristic of me to be honest. Like, I always said I needed to be really good friends with a guy before we went out and I've known this guy for like a week. He's really good friends with my best friend Alex's roommate and he had a shitty roommate situation so he would always just hang out on our floor in their room, where I would also be since they have the comfy futon. Christy and Alex decided to play matchmaker and set us up, and guess what, it worked! I told them I thought he was cute, they told me he said the same thing and basically what happened is that we knew we were into each other and we would kind of snuggle but not really and then Tuesday night a group of us were watching a movie in their room and towards the very end of the movie, I put my head on his shoulder and then he put his arm around me and then it kind of escalated from there.... So then yesterday, he texted me and asked what I was doing that night and so he asked me out on a date :) It was kind of awkward at first... we were both really nervous, but I looked super cute, so that gave me some confidence. After a slightly uncomfortable meal where I got to know a lot more about him (he sails, his favorite color is green, he likes fruit, etc. - creep, i know), we went to his room to watch a movie. The catch is that he doesn't actually have a futon... just his bed. So we snuggled on his bed and watched The Notebook. Except I think I might have fallen asleep and something tells me he wasn't really paying attention. So it was really just an excuse to snuggle. Half way through the movie, his new roommate walked in and was like "oh shit, what's going on, man next time, just text me, sorry for interrupting" and it was really awkward and uncomfortable. Anyway... we were just laying on his bed (not in, don't worry!) and he kissed me. Like, not just a little peck on the lips. But it wasn't like full on making out either. It was just right. Best part? He actually showed self control and pull me back when it was too much, which doesn't sound like an important detail, but to me, it meant a lot. He might not have even been consciously doing it. But it happened... on the first date. And high school Maggie would be totally appalled with me right now. I mean, we aren't dating, I don't even know that we will be dating. Plus, now I'm wondering how I break to him that I'm saving myself for marriage. Like, I hardly know him (wow, this just keeps sounding worse...) and its such an awkward situation to bring up. But it needs to be said sooner rather than later, right? Otherwise it just gets messy and uncomfortable. So anyway, thats my life currently. I can't decide whether I'm happy or want to slow things down. This is how college is supposed to be, so why don't I feel quite right about it? I really really like Ben, but the inner good girl in me is freaking out. And it's not like I'm even doing anything bad... I really just need to chill the fuck out. #welcometomylife

boys.

Ugh. Boys are a struggle. First of all, there's this awkward boy who's a super sweet guy, but not for me who thinks I'm super hot and keeps asking people for advice on how to talk to me.... and I feel really bad but it's just not gonna happen. And then there's this other guy, but that's a pain in the butt of a situation. Here's the kicker, I have guy friends. Like, not just kinda friends like I had in high school, but like legit guy friends. It's so weird.

Things at college have been going well! Yesterday a big group of us went to see a Cardinals game and then we all just hung out. Plus, MEGHAN was here this weekend, which was FABULOUSSS!

UPDATE: Okay, so I started writing this blog at like 4:30 this afternoon but then I got distracted... so let me just tell you all about the scary shit that went down since then. Firstly, all hell broke loose in the Gries complex and sketchy shit involving me and my friends was like terrifying, then Alex and I went to a drill team "info night" which is apparently code for 'lets drag all of them to the top of a sketchy abandoned parking deck and fucking scream at them even though they have no idea what they're doing'. Yeah, good fucking times. At one point one of the guys came up to me and screamed, 'why are you here?' and I was on the verge of tears so I was just like 'I don't fucking want to be here!' so he was like 'no one is making you stay!'. Of course, I couldn't really leave by myself and abandon Alex, considering she was the only reason I was there... So I just threw up a peace sign in the air and literally said 'peace out bros' and walked over to the corner where I sat down and tried not to cry. It was literally the worst night of my life. I was shaking for like an hour afterwards and Alex almost threw up in the bushes like 4 times as we were walking home. Seriously, awful. And I'm getting sick... and I got like 3 hours of sleep last night. Everything is fucking roses right now guys.

coloring pages and football games.

I've almost survived my second week of college with no problems. I have my first quiz tomorrow in college algebra, but I'm not too concerned... it's just review. We're also turning in our first english papers and I had my first bio lab but it's all been fairly painless! I rearranged my room today with the help of some lovely boys who proceeded to do weird manly things once they successfully moved my wardrobe... boys are so strange and foreign to me. Anyway, Meghan and my mama are both coming tomorrow and I'm super excited to see them and spend the weekend with Meggo. She'll get to see all the lovely SLU sights, from Billiken waffles to Slutty Saturday. We keep it real classy here. Like last night, a group of like 5 of us sat on the floor in my room and watched football while coloring in my Sesame Street coloring book. Annnd Alex and I ate an entire thing of Oreos, peanut butter and milk. Which was swell. But we also climbed enough stairs to make it to the top of the Sears Tower, so it's whatever. This is my college life, never a dull moment, that's for sure.

this is not a drive by-y-yyy! except it totally was.

Last Saturday and Sunday mornings, plus yesterday morning and this morning when I woke up, I've checked my emails and gotten something from the SLUDOPS (department of public safety)... let's just say some sketchy shit happens around here. The first three were all about attempted rapes on campus or directly off campus, but they make sure to emphasize that those involved were NOT affiliated with the university. Today however, I woke up and checked my email to see that there was a drive by shooting about a block from campus, in an area I had been last night. Sketchy, right? Welcome to SLU. We are basically friends with guys for the sole purpose of having them to walk with at night when we want to go somewhere. It's great fun. Parties here are sketchy as fuck too... at least from what I hear.. I wouldn't actually know. Yayyyyy college!

lazy sunday.

Well guess what. I should be doing homework right now... but instead I'm blogging! It's been a kind of lazy Sunday, slept til 10:30, took a shower, did some homework, went to lunch with friends (nothing on campus is open on Sunday for lunch except the Gries cafeteria in case you were wondering) and now I'm back here to do some more work before going to work out this afternoon. Tonight, I'm going to dinner with Katherine and her parents who are in town then going to mass at 9 with Rachel and Molly. It's been weird, my closest friend went home for the weekend so it's been dull on good old 11G. But 11G made a sorority on our floor and are getting 'Delta Phi Camel' tshirts so we're all really really excited. Our floor has bonded so well and we are really tight... well, at least half of us are. But I guess I should really go do homework now so I can go to the gym.... yaaaaaay fitness.

big girl classes.

I have officially survived my first three days of college classes. While everyone else has been running around like crazy people stressing about having so much homework, I'm here like "uh... I guess I could read my next chapter in biology for next week... or do my math homework thats not due til Wednesday..."which is awkward. So far my classes aren't anything too exciting either. The only one that seems even slightly intense is my college algebra class, and that's only because we have like 7 million problems assigned each night for homework. Other than that, everything has been low key so far. Who knows how long that will continue...

Today, we had the SLU fair which had booths for all the activities and things that you can get involved in and to say my choices were diverse would be an understatement. I signed up for the club crew team, drill team, students for life, billikens after dark, SLU dance marathon, Phases of Motion (dance team), Sorores in Christo (catholic women's group), Relay for Life, SLU Student Occupation Therapy Organization, Hawaii Club, Forte (music tutoring for inner city students) and the SLU Student Activities Board. Let's be honest, I'm not going to actually do all of them... or even half for that matter but I like to keep my options open!

Tonight, some girls from my floor and I are going to see the Lion King on broadway at the Fox Theater. I'm really excited even though I've already seen it before. Things are really starting to look up here at SLU!

college saturday night.

Well.... this was my first Saturday night in college. Let's just say we've been at SLU for 4 days and 11G (my floor) already has a reputation across campus. You say you live in 11G, the response you'll most likely get is "ohhh man, that's a fun floor" or some other reference to our parties. Two girls got written up for alcohol tonight on our floor and pretty much everyone is either out at a party or drunk. There was a big group of us that just sat in a dorm room and talked and watched all the drunk people on our floor being idiots. It was highly amusing... never try roller blading while intoxicated, it doesn't end well. I'm really really glad that I found a group of girls who don't drink that I can hang out with. It's super awesome and all of them are really cool to hang out with. I start classes Monday and I'm tweaking out a little bit but it'll all work out!

God knows what He's doing.

So, I'm finally at college... crazy thought, right? Well, it's been a crazy busy 24 hours and to be honest, I haven't really felt that 'click' yet. The "this is where I belong, look I'm making so many new friends" sort of thing. But hopefully it'll get better. Tonight we had a square dance and then late night breakfast so I met some new people there. My roommate and I seem to get along well... so far we've pretty much just been giving each other our space but I think she and I have the same opinions on a lot of things. Hopefully it will all work itself out and be what God wants it to be. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Now I'm sitting here in my dorm room alone and I'm wondering what's going to be next for me.... I know God has a plan so I'm really trying to trust Him and follow His lead.

my itsy bitsy dorm room.... 

here goes nothing...

In 2.5 days, I'll be leaving my home, my friends, my family and everything I've ever known for college and St. Louis. To say I'm scared would be an understatement. What if I don't make friends? Or what if my roommate and I don't get along? Or what if my classes are really hard? Basically, my mind has been running at a million miles an hour for the last week. I know I'll be alright but the fear of the unknown is killing me. I've been packing up all my stuff and I have so much more than I anticipated. Like, two huge garbage bags plus two huge totes full of just clothes and shoes. Plus I'm not done packing my clothes. I was dumb though and didn't really think to leave myself any clothes for the next few days.... which means I'll basically be rocking the same outfit on repeat. Yummmo. Hopefully I won't smell toooo bad. My mom is going to be such a hot mess, she is being so clingy and obnoxious this week. The hardest part is saying goodbye... So far three of my best friends have left on their own college journeys, which has left my life pretty boring. You wouldn't think three people leaving would have such a big impact but it definitely has. In the next few days, the goodbyes just get harder - my friend who hasn't left yet, my friends who are still in high school and my parents. I'll probably cry like crazy for all but my parents. To be honest, I'm not sure that will make me too upset at all. I'm ready to be independent and on my own. My whole life I've been kind of  "smothered" under their love and it's time for me to handle myself.

So overall, I'm terrified, but very, very ready to leave. Hopefully I won't forget anything major at home on move-in day. And don't worry, I'll keep you updated on all my adventures as a college student!

xoxo

soon.

One month and two days. Holy poop, that isn't very long. I feel like college, that elusive, noncommittal being in the future, came up out of nowhere and I'm suddenly floundering in attempts to not forget anything. I've been buying the things I'll need like a crazy person and probably buying waaaay too much. I mean, do I really need a bed bug cover, feather mattress pad, mattress protector, sheets, comforter, blankets, pillow, pillow cases, bed bug pillow protector, and body pillow with cover just to sleep at night? Probably not. But I'm not gonna leave that up to chance. I definitely don't want to end up with bed bugs. And I've been assured by all the lovely sales people that it's all completely necessary. Then there's the kitchen supplies and the desk supplies and the bathroom supplies and the everything else stuff. Who knew it took so much! So yeah... I have lists upon lists upon lists. On top of that, I leave for Ireland in four days and six flags in two days. Therefore no free time in my foreseeable future.

In other news, this week has been pretty chill, just catching up on sleep from the TEC weekend. Until I went to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight last night... then went to work at 8 this morning. I'm pretty much exhausted right now. But my heart is breaking for the families and victims of the Batman shooting in Colorado. I honestly don't know what would possess someone to commit such a horrible crime against completely innocent people. Seventy one people were shot. That's more than 3/4 of my graduating class. Like, that's a lot of people. I just can't even fathom it. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone effected by this horrible tragedy.

Hopefully exciting things will happen in my life soon because right now, things are helllllla boring to blog about. I guess once college comes, it'll really spice things up! So many new experiences in my future! I'm so nervous but I also can't wait!!

"She took the leap and built her wings on the way down."

friday da 13th.

I actually did stuff at work this mornings. What has life become?! Usually on Fridays, I sit and count tiles but today they actually kept us busy! We made folders and stocked baby warmers and put stickers on things and used a label maker! It's really pathetic when that's a highlight of my day. Now I'm sitting in my office waiting for my friend to call from Ireland! She said she'd call sometime between noon and four my time which means I could be sitting here waiting for a while. Which is actually fine cause I don't really have anything else to do anyway. Um... so I just found this patch of skin on my arm that's a gross and flaky and I don't know why.... sorry, random tangent. Tonight, I have to work, and Tanmay will be gone so it'll just be me, Sam and John, but John doesn't even do anything... so really it'll just be me and Sam. So we'll be reallllly busy. Then I have to go over to TEC where I'll be spending the rest of my weekend... YAY! But for now, I'm stuck sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring. Which is hella boring. Meh. Also, my hair is wavy today. In case you were wondering.

not my day.

I don't know why, but this has really just not been my weekend.. at all. I feel like I'm so tired I could just collapse but I haven't even done anything and I've gotten plenty of sleep. Everything and everyone is pissing me off and I just want to crawl into a dark corner and cry. It's probably long overdue... I mean, everyone has times like this, right? I usually brush these kinds of moods off and focus on acting happy but I just don't have the energy to do that right now. Like seriously, I could probably lay down in my bed right now and never get up again. But this is turning into a downer post and that's no fun.. so I'll give you a weekend recap instead.

Friday, I worked.... and then I think I hung out with my mom (?) then I worked some more. That night I saw Magic Mike (questionable at best...). Saturday, I hung out with dearest Lyssa and got coffeeeeee and then my dad and I went to see Brave (much less questionable than Magic Mike). Today I went to church, cleaned my room, hung out with Laura and Laina then went out to dinner to celebrate my daddy's birthday (which is technically tomorrow, but its whatever).

So yeah... kind of a lame weekend. I probably wouldn't have been the most enjoyable person to be around anyway honestly. I don't know what's wrong with me... mehhhh.

Hopefully this next week will be a lot more happy and exciting.. I have some things I really need to get sorted out before this weekend happens so cross your fingers that it goes well and doesn't end in an epic train wreck, which honestly is very likely. UGH. Kay, I'm going to go to sleep now, rant ovah.

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today."

new sweater! look, i seem happy, right?? yayyy faking it!

growing up.

I guess I'm giving this blog a comeback. Thanks Laura for inspiring me to get back on the blog train. When I got a tumblr a few months ago, I kind of gave up this thinking that would be the same but guess what, it's not! So you missed some seriously important events, senior prom, spring musical, graduation, graduation party, NYC trip... I've been a busy girl! But now life is changing and I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Heading off to college in a month and a half, I want to record this next step just like I recorded my (beginning/middle of) senior year. I love looking back at my old posts and remember what a dork I was. We'll see how often I actually update this. Who knows, maybe my mom and dad will read this to keep up with me while I'm in St. Louis... I guess that means I'll have to control my language. Struggle of the century. 

With college right around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about who I am and who I want to become. After seeing Channing Tatum's new movie, Magic Mike, I realized that I'm not your average young woman. To be honest, I felt scummy after seeing it and like I seriously needed to go to confession. #catholickidproblems I know.. I was supposed to take Jenna and Alyssa to go see it, but I can't bring myself to take them knowing how it is. Maybe I'm a prude or an old fart at the ripe age of 18 but that's just not the kind of girl I want to be. I'm finding that in college, my options will be even more than I imagined and I don't want to be the girl who wastes her life living for the temporary things in the moment. I want to change the world, which may sound cliche but I want my life to mean something more. Now I'm probably just aimlessly babbling and I should go to bed... it's 12:20 at night after all. I'll probably look back at this post in the morning or 10 years from now and laugh at myself, but that's part of the fun of a blog, right? We'll just go with that I guess.

Hopefully I'll start getting into the habit of blogging more and such... nothing exciting, probably more of a personal life log than anything else. It'll be interesting to see what happens one year from now and how my life has worked out.

"One day, your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."

happy maggie.

It's beautifullll outside today! I mean, it's tech week for our musical but even that isn't bringing me down. I honestly haven't felt this happy in a very long time. Hopefully the rest of the week will be this beautiful. Spring break and the end of the year are approaching and I'm sooo ready to be out of school. Sitting in class is a form of awful torture. I have a reaaaally bad case of senioritis...

oh hey.

I guess I still have a blog. I went through and re-read a lot of my posts and it's really cool to be able to have a first hand account of the little details of my senior year, so I figured I should maybe get back into the swing of this. I know, it's been foreverrrr, but a  ton of shit has gone down in the last month.

Like 3-ish weeks ago (it feels like sooo much longer!), my parents and I went to Orlando to go to Disney World and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Needless to say, it was a fabulous fabulous trip and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, even if the weather didn't necessarily cooperate.. freezing cold isn't exactly the way I like Florida to be, but we made the best of it! We stayed at the Boardwalk resort on the Disney grounds and it was beautiful. The location was perfect, the room was fantastic and the atmosphere was still very Disney, in a more subdued, elegant fashion. It's so hard to believe that this was the last big family vacation to Disney we'll go on until I have my own kids... we used to go every 18-ish months when I was younger! It's like the end of an era, very bittersweet.

Also, cheer season is officially over!! I am so so so glad that phase of my life has come to a close. I can't really say I miss it much... actually, I don't miss it at all. Musical has sort of filled up the free time cheer left me with, so I'm still busy, which is good. I guess I probably haven't even written anything about the musical in here... We're doing "The Boy Friend" and I have the role of Nancy, which isn't a hugeee part, but I'm happy and I've gotten really close with a lot of the other cast members. We go off book in rehearsals on Tuesday and it's starting to freaaaak me out. Our first show is in 12 days, it's crunch time and I'm getting nervous! Today, Jackie and I sang a duet for solo/ensemble contest, which I thought went really well, but we'll find out what the judge thought on Monday. And last but not least in new news, Adam dumped me. Not gonna hash out the details for the internet to read but it's been and will be a long healing process and I figured it was important enough to document on here. So, once musical is over, I will officially have a shit ton of free time and I need a job badly. Yippee... can't wait. Oh well... such is life. I'll be leaving this hell-hole of a town for college and the great big world in like 5 months anyway, thank goodness. I know I say this all of the time on here but I literally have the greatest friends in the whole world. They have all been so helpful and supportive in the last few weeks with everything, I would probably be a hot mess without them. I owe them everything for all that they've done for me.

best ride at epcot, hands down.

family <3

at Olivander's wand shop :D i was chosen to have the 'wand choose me'. greatest experience ever.

hogwarts!

whoops.

To be completely honest with you, I totally forgot I had a blog until yesterday. Yepp... that's how crazy everything has been. I got my wisdom teeth taken out not too long after Christmas break and that put me out for almost a week because of dry sockets. Which meant I had a ton of school work to catch up on (and I'm still working on catching up in pre-cal... I swear, that class was thought of by the devil himself). Immediately after that, there was a TEC weekend, and then I went to Washington DC to participate in the pro-life rally and right to life march with my school. It was seriously one of the coolest experiences of my life. I wasn't a huge fan of DC itself but the march was really awesome. There were so many more people there than I had expected... something like 400,000 people standing up for the babies!! But... that trip meant missing more school and classes... and therefore putting me even farther behind. And now, I leave for Disney in less than a week and missing four more days of school. I'm starting to feel a little swamped with things to do honestly. Plus, I got put back on my anxiety medication (super fun, I know... my dad told me I was too 'bitchy' and said I had no option in the matter) so I feel really really sick. I haven't been able to eat and this stuff makes me ridiculously jittery so I just shake all the time.

In other news, I have my last cheerleading practice ever this afternoon! I'd like to say it's bittersweet, but it's not... it's just sweet. I honestly don't like cheer that much and I'm freaking ecstatic to be done. Senior night is on Tuesday and then we just have a few games left before it's all over! It's been a good experience, but I definitely won't be pursuing cheer in college.

Also... I miss my hair. A lot. Short hair is a pain in the ass.

grrrrr. i want my long, blonde hair back.

Washington DC!

clubbin.

Well... last night was an experience to say the least. A small local concert revenue was having an underage club sort of thing for high school kids with some djs and things. My friends and I thought it would be a fun, out of character thing for us to do as an early new years eve party. We really didn't know what to expect at all... and I'm not sure any of us were ready for what we saw. It was basically a bunch of drunk/high kids from various schools that were grinding sooo hard on each other. Not to mention the fact that the girls were all wearing the tightest, shortest skirts possible to man kind and acting like total sluts. I'm not gonna lie, I lost a lot of respect for people in my class. Needless to say, my friends and I left pretty early. Definitely not our scene.

In other news, we celebrated Laina's birthday and it was wonderful! She's officially 18!! Because of last nights event, we're spending tonight just watching movies and having a sleepover in Kath's basement.


(written saturday december 31... too lazy to post til now. awk for me.)