Wednesday, October 24, 2012

but seriously?

I'm honestly just posting this because I don't have anything better to do. I don't have any imminent homework and all my friends are working on theirs so I'm just sitting in my room... cause Ben is in Christy and Alex's room and I just don't want to deal with that shit right now. I can feel this one headed straight down the drain. Which might be fine. I just got froyo with Alex, Lynn and Conor so that was good.

UPDATE: Well, in the middle of writing this blog post, Ben walks in and gives me some bullshit "I'm done with the drama, you're stressing me out and it's bad for my health" and that I didn't care enough about his health issues. So clearly, in the back of my mind, the only thing I can hear is Adam's voice saying "you are too selfish for me"... and then all I can think is "You are not worth anything. No one will ever be able to love you because your anxiety disorder ruins everything." It's literally what is standing between me and actually being confident and happy. I'm so sick of constantly worrying about everything all the time. Oh, and he actually had the audacity to say "phones work both ways you know" to my face. Like, hello, you're the one who needed to learn that lesson... not me. I texted you plenty thank you. And now I'm 97% sure that Christine is gonna go around spreading shit about me to him because she has a tendency to be a two-faced bitch and she was always a little jealous of me and Ben. So apparently he and I are "taking a break" until he gets his health figured out. Which is whatever because I won't be here waiting for him. I deserve better. I deserve a true man of God and I refuse to settle for less. This was a nice, although late, rebound from Adam and I know what I actually want now. I don't even fucking know what happened between us but I'm alright with it being over. I just feel like I am literally worthless now. And that's what kills me. Plus there's gonna be a shit ton of drama on the floor now and I don't want that. I just want this to all be over and move on. Now I'm off to ask Justin Bieber to my APO formal. It never hurts to ask, right? Haha, you think I'm joking right now, but I'm totally not. At all. 

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